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CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU: A Peter & Assumpta Mix.

Jul. 11th, 2012 | 01:30 am



2. AWAKE MY SOUL // mumford & sons. (peter's theme.)

how fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
i struggle to find any truth in your lies
and now my heart stumbles on things i don't know
my weakness i feel i must finally show

lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
but lend me your heart and i'll just let you fall
lend me your eyes, i can change what you see
but your soul you must keep totally free.

3. FLICKER & FAIL // laura marling. (assumpta's theme.)

he took a bus to meet me in a bar on a tuscan hill
oh, sight i'd never seen, i believe in god still
but you wouldn't be able to stop me if i feel like running away
wouldn't be able to stop me if i didn't want to stay

they put money in their hearts, and god where their mouth is.

4. BIRDS OF A FEATHER // the civil wars.

where she walks, no flowers bloom
he's the one i see right through
she's the absinthe on my lips
splinter in my fingertips

but who could do without you?

5. THE BLOWER'S DAUGHTER // damien rice. (mixer's note: if you consider the line about "colder water" to be about the polar bear joke, this song could very well have been written about our sweet duo... just saying.)

and so it is, just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me, most of the time
(re: priest privilege)
and so it is, the shorter story
no love, no glory
no hero in her sky

i can't take my eyes off of you

did i say that i loathe you?
did i say that i want to leave it all behind?

i can't take my mind off of you.

6. GOODBYE APATHY // onerepublic.

i can't sleep, no, not like i used to
i can't breathe in and out like i need to
it's breaking ice, now, to make any movement

what's your vice? you know that mine's the illusion ("party piece." "do you do any others?" "a priest.")

everybody is watching you; everybody is watching me, too.

7. ARMS // christina perri. ("i'm a priest." "that's fine; be a priest.")

i never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
but you came around and you knocked me off the ground
from the start

you put your arms around me
and i believe that it's easier for you to let me go
you put your arms around me and i'm home

how many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
i can't decide if i'll let you save my life or if i'll drown

8. IN THESE ARMS // the swell season. 

use the truth as a weapon to beat off all your friends
every chink in the armour an excuse to cause offense

you were restless, i was somewhere less secure
so i went running to the road
("he's ordered me to go on retreat.")

but maybe i was born to hold you in these arms.

use your saints in your mantra, and your things to keep you calm
if you stay with that asshole, he's gonna do you harm
there's a voice singing loudly on the radio, just for you
and good fortune will find him in the end

9. I'M THROUGH // ingrid michaelson.

i'm going out again tonight
the first time in the longest time
he holds the door and holds my hand
but doesn't feel like you

we laugh at all the people in
the restaurant across from us
he talks a lot but not too much
but doesn't sound like you

it's all because of you
that i'm through. 

i'll always know you were the one
to rip me from the ground.

10. THE EDGE OF DESIRE // john mayer. 

don't say a word, just come over 
and lie here with me
cause i'm just about to set fire
to everything that i see
i want you so bad, i'll go back
on the things i believe

there, i just said it
i'm scared you'll forget about me.

11. SAILBOATS // brooke fraser. (making plans.)

we're adrift on a sailboat
my love is the sea
yours is the horizon
constant and steady

you set my limbs locked hard afloat
lifted my lonesome sails
the tide is out, the moon is high
we're sailing

we're cutting anchor
casting out into the glorious deep
the tide is out, the moon is high
we're sailing

11. STANDING IN SILENCE PT. 14 // rhian sheehan. (the death of assumpta.)


12. WHAT HURTS THE MOST // rascal flatts.

it's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
but i'm doin' it
but it's hard to force that smile when i see our old friends
and i'm alone

what hurts the most is being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing what could have been.

13. TIMSHEL // mumford & sons. (amongst friends.)

cold is the water
it freezes your already cold mind
already cold, cold mind
and death is at your doorstep
and it will steal your innocence
but it will not steal your substance

but you are not alone in this
as brothers we will stand
and we'll hold your hand.

DOWNLOAD: http://www.mediafire.com/?b5lznb0c674gded

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(no subject)

May. 21st, 2011 | 11:53 pm


1. everlasting light // THE BLACK KEYS

let me be your everlasting light,
the sun when there is none.
in me you can confide,
i'm always by your side. 

2. your stupid grin // DRAGONETTE

and i'm just looking out at a future that might never exist
i'm thinking of all the ways of getting over it
well maybe i should be swimming from a sinking ship

i'm all better just thinking about
when you come home, i'm gonna knock you out
then you show up with that stupid grin
and i just let your love in.

3. pretty little thing // FINK

pretty little thing, pretty little thing
hot little thing, hot little thing and knows it
don't suppose it would be cool if we hung out?

when you walk by, you know every guy
i've noticed. 

we could go out, we could go anywhere that you want
we could stay in, we could do anything that you want
we could do lunch
in soho
or something.

4. behind the moon // MATT COSTA

all the stars point me to you
and lately they just drive me crazy
a universe can be so cruel, so baby,
baby, be my lady

so here i come to dance around the sun
i've been oh, so blue
stuck behind the moon
now let me in, back where we begin
and let me hold you like the way
i used to do.

i'll be in your life again, so baby, baby
just say maybe.

5. medicine man // THE HUSH SOUND

medicine man, you dance me across the country
medicine man, you dance me across the sky
medicine man, now my feet are dragging
medicine man, can you hear my cry?

i don't want to be, the one, the one
the one that you forget
i don't, i don't, i don't just want to 
be your regret.

i don't know where to begin
i don't know how to break this bottle i'm living in
do anything to take away the memory of him
can't you see that i have no way out
don't leave me now. 

6. if you wanna // THE VACCINES

i don't wanna do things independently
but i can't make you stay

and if you wanna come back, it's alright, it's alright
it's alright if you wanna come back to me

well i don't wanna see you with another guy
but the fact is that i may.

all alone, all alone; i'm on my own.

7. we rule the world // DRAGONETTE

we're not the ones with the big guns
some kind of shiny secret weapon
but let's pretend that we rule the world
we've got the superhero costumes
know how to change our clothes in a phone booth
so let's pretend that we rule the world.

8. space in my heart // BERNHOFT

floating right by me in a velvet dress
she seemed so totally out of place
in outer space
i must be delusional, a real head case
cause the lunar surface is the wrong address
in such a dress

i've surfed on comets through cosmic debris
and still here i am lost in the sea of tranquility.



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It's That Time Again. More Cheese Than France.

Sep. 26th, 2009 | 10:46 pm

So, there's this boy.

I know, I know.

The thing is, whenever there's a potential boy in my life, it raises up all these huge issues that I have to deal with. However, I am unfortunately human and therefore this is unfortunately the norm. So I am going to reach out to whatever outlet I have (ie: sup, LJ?) and see if I can try to deal with some of these issues.  

Self-worth. I have been told enough times and I have put enough effort forth to know that I'm not horrendously unattractive, and judging by the odd and brief flirtatious moment with my customers at Timothy's, I know that I am actually leaning towards the "pretty attractive" side of things. I am the girl-next-door, the combination of tomboyism and girly-girlism that, historically, has lined men up around the block. I'm smart. I'm funny. I'm sweet. I know how to flirt when the moment arises.

So why the hell am I still single? Better yet, why have I been single for all twenty years of my life? Why am I suddenly in the rank of WoW losers who never left their mom's basement except to stock up on Big Macs and Red Bulls? Why have I never been kissed? These lips have not been touched... not as a teenager in high school with raging hormones, and not now, a student in university where booze-drowned parties abound and people are all-out hooking up left and right.

And not for any lack of trying. I've held standards for myself, yes, but when I have found someone that even vaguely meets those standards, I have pursued them. Blatantly. But they're not interested. They have a girlfriend. They're sleeping with two other people. They moved back to their hometown, five hours away. My mom once observed that I only seemed to fall for people I couldn't have. What she doesn't know is that part of what attracted me in the first place was that there was a meager chance that I COULD have them. Number One took a step out to swim with me back to shore when I was having trouble. Cody outright asked me if I could be his date to prom. CB Boy #1 upheld a conversation with this Timothy's barista for longer than the allotted thirty seconds that the usual customer gives. I spent the night in Port Dover boy's bed, fingers entwined. All of these were the very moments I fell for them. So why, with the exception of Cody who briefly was legitimately my "boyfriend", did none of these ever become anything substantial?

It really baffles me how people get to the point of a relationship so quickly with so many people. How do you so consistently coordinate your interests to match theirs at the same time? 

No interest but Cody has asked me out. In fact, no guy that I'm NOT interested in has asked me out. I'm not that aloof, am I? Approachable is my middle name. Like I said, the girl-next-door thing is kindof my entire being. I'm educated, and I spell things properly, but in casual conversation, I'm not one to scare people off with a random fact about French Boulevard Theatres. And I usually maintain my grammar nazi-ism to a minimum. I have a decidedly unbitchy face. I legitimately don't understand how some people who are mathematically less attractive than I am have had roughly five serious relationships already, and my lips are still waiting for someone else's to come close enough to touch.

I don't want to get desperate, but I am. I feel like I am always the only one devoting any attention to making anything happen. And then when I take bigger steps, I get smacked in the face. I scare the guy off. Not because of anything obvious, but because he's suddenly less interested than when he thought I wasn't.

I'd like to have one relationship. Just one. It doesn't have to end in marriage, it doesn't even have to end well. It just needs to happen, so that I know that I am someone that someone else could want to have around in their life. That I am someone they could kiss, hold, and cherish as much as I do to them. I guess I just want to feel that discrepancy filled... where someone wants me as bad as I have always wanted other people.

And I think he might. But he's making it so damn difficult....

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My Maria, and Why I Should Have Been Born Polish :)

Nov. 24th, 2007 | 12:50 am
mood: jubilantjubilant

Good lord, you know, tonight was just so amazing. It started out notsogreat, but ended on a high note that is just fabulous :)

So I had spent the earlier part of the day stressing over the fact that I didn't have black dress pants or a white shirt to wear for volunteering at Maria's concert. Ask Emily A, I asked to borrow like, three things from her lol

So after settling on having both a silver under-skirt and polka-dot leggings to choose from, I departed from Emily's res with many, many thank yous and went on my way back down those familiar streets... Laurier past the church and the shawarma place... round the corner to O'Connor, past the rose shop... and finally, back to that beautiful church where rehearsals for Don Giovanni once took place :) But the entire way, I was dying of the cold, and the snow/slush was beginning to sink in through my boots. And my socks. And it was slippery. I was relatively miserable, but clinging to that nostalgic feeling that I love so much.

And then I get to the door, and this short little Polish woman greets me with a "What's your name?" and a friendly scowl. I tell her I'm a volunteer, and she immediately gets me to work in the kitchen... not that I can understand half of what she's saying, her accent is so strong. Enter Monika, speaking fluent Polish to aforementioned scowling woman. I'm beginning to feel very, very out of place.

But then I head to the bathroom to change (finally), and Monika goes with me, and to my great surprise, she also speaks fluent English... and is a theatre student!

I helped make coffee, labels, cards, tea, tables, pate... I was a busy bee from that point on. And very much a klutz. I was spilling things EVERYWHERE. Knocking things over EVERYWHERE. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown cause scowly woman was all YOU'RE CLEANING THAT UP NOW PLZKTHX.

And then Sharon showed up, and for whatever reason, my night took a big 180 turn for the better. Just seeing one of my old Don Giovanni girls was enough to energize me for the rest of the night. I WAS beginning to get ticked off at how none of the other volunteers seemed to be doing any sort of slave labor like I was, though. I was beginning to think it was cause I'm not Polish.

I'll say this for the first time in this entry: Why am I so flipping friendly?

Sharon introduced me to her co-worker, a jolly man who's probably a good ten or more years older than me... and doesn't realize it. He's friendly. VERY. But surprisingly, not the worst of the night. I'll get to that later.

Karin came with her posse and her big fur coat, and jolly man gave a hearty laugh as I hugged her quickly from behind and ran off again, saying "I had to get that out of my system".

Scowly woman harps on me to get some tea, so I do, and just as I return from that trip (and am finally enjoying the little snacks I managed to grab from the array of snacks)... I hear a very familiar voice. A voice that has become very dear to me.


I literally dropped everything I was doing and went around the corner, and lo and behold, there she was. I could have cared less at this point whether scowly woman was secretly scolding me.

My Maria.

She turned to leave the reception hall after a quick speech about enjoying the show, and I leaned against the kitchen doorjamb with a smile, somewhat hoping she would turn around and see me.

She did.

She pulled a full 180 and made her way towards me, being briefly intercepted by another patron, but got to me quickly. She came towards me with her arms wide open, saying "I'm so happy you're here!" as she hugged me :) She said that "Everyone loved the picture!" (meaning the card I'd given her on closing night). And I was so touched that she had actually kept her word in showing the card off to people! She quickly obliged to the other waiting people around me, and then had to disappear.

It was when I returned to the kitchen, silly grin on my face, that scowly woman suddenly wasn't so scowly. I asked her what there was to be done now, and she told me to go watch the performance! :) I was like... seriously??

So, still unsure of the protocol of this whole deal, I made my way to the actual front door of the sanctuary and talked to Franca, who was in charge of the volunteers. She told me I could sit anywhere, and just enjoy the show :) So I did!

And good lord. Bach = <3. That poor pianist's fingers must have gone numb... and I've never been so _moved_ by a piece. I felt what Bach was feeling. PUCCINI = <3<3<3. MARIA and her explanations of the arias' contexts = <3<3<3<3<3<3<3. She was STUNNING in that red dress.

As for the other performers, the assessment is as follows: Tenor = could use a lot more training, sounded very sick and almost pop-ified Caro Mio Ben. Other Soprano = seemed to be holding back in the crazy-acousticness of the church, her arias were very short. Baritone = can I have your babies?

And then intermission came.

And so did "Adam". I was kindof fluttering about, unsure of whether or not I should be doing volunteer-y things, and this guy comes up and just... starts talking to me. About being a volunteer. Because clearly that's a step down from being Britney Spears. Or was it a step up?


So he keeps talking, and I keep being polite, and it was very awkward. I start talking about Don Giovanni, because he'd asked me how I came to be a volunteer for Maria, and THANK GOD Sharon and her co-worker come over. Me and Sharon started reminiscing about Don Giovanni, but it got very awkward very quickly, because Adam was still there, and there's no way to talk about DG without being suggestive. I was praying he wouldn't take things the wrong way. I was glad when the lights started flashing to signal that the show was starting again, and I could escape with Sharon and her buddy.

For the second time: WHY AM I SO FLIPPING FRIENDLY?

I noticed, however, that now this man was sitting in a pew across from me. Ughhh.

Concert started up again with some lovely Mozart :D I love that man. Really, I do. Gorgeous piece.

VERDICT FOR ACT TWO: Tenor = when he belts it out, HE'S AMAZING. Otherwise, still needs significantly more texture and vibrato. Soprano = there was a moment when she slipped out these two high notes, in a slightly lighter register, and I was like, Okay. Here we go. Excellent. Poor thing tripped on her way onto the stage, though :( Baritone = I repeat. Babies. Now. I did laugh, however, because there was a part of his piece (another Mozart, from Nozze di Figaro) where I was like "...wait. I recognize that set of notes." It would turn out Mozart reduced-reused-recycled some of his own stuff hahah

And Maria. Was wearing the most gorgeous dress. She really is an absolutely gorgeous person, inside and out. Her second piece, Una Voca Poco Fa... wow. She needs to use that for every audition she ever has. It shows off her lower/chest register (which I didn't know existed... it was nice to see another head-voice-heavy singer!), and her highest register, and the coloratura that I KNEW was in there somewhere, and her musicality, and just overall it was OMGPERFECT for her voice. The perfect finale to the show :) Many, many standing ovations were deserved!

The show ended, and I SWEAR I saw Maria turn back to smile at me as she exited the stage. Like, not just my inner fangirl speaking. Eye contact and all.

And then I made my way through the crowds, congratulating the Italian guests on an excellent performance, and helped take down the reception stuff. Only...


I had been hoping that mentioning that I attended university would turn him away, being that he too was about ten or more years older than me. But instead, it was the first thing he brought up, asking about my major and stuff like that. AND THEN HE GAVE ME HIS CARD.


I somehow made an escape by venturing into the kitchen and helping clean up there. It was there that I began to realize just how loving Polish people are, behind their scowly-ness. They took care of the rest of the work, and even gave me a nickname!

One of the guys was like "Emilke! Emilke!" and I wasn't responding, so he was like "Ohhh she doesn't understand" and I was like "OOOOHHH". They gave me a pet name :)




And then I ventured out into the coat room to get my jacket and such, and I was talking to Monika, ready to leave, and suddenly I hear that familiar voice again...


I'm not really sure how many times she called for me, but I turned around and there was my darling Maria, thanking me for coming. Like, she went out of her way to do so. And made a fool of herself because apparently I'm deaf lol

And I was all prepared to take my last glances at Maria Knapik, inspiration and purest of hearts, when Monika realizes she has something to ask her. For whatever reason, she asks me to come with her. So I do, and she starts to sneak off with Maria, and I'm like OH NOES.

But then Maria starts calling my name again! I looked up, and she was turned toward me, and she was like "We need to stay in touch! Please come to my Christmas party!"

And I just... she just... she looked so desperate and I just... I felt so loved. So you can BET I'm going to that Christmas party! She smiled and did a little air-kiss thing, and I blew her a kiss, and she laughed... and that was the end of it.

But good lord, it was enough to have me grinning like a fool for the rest of the way home.

Maria, if you're reading this, please adopt me/become my best friend forever?

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Nov. 2nd, 2007 | 02:31 pm
mood: ecstaticecstatic

Omg. What DIDN'T happen last night?

So, I finally get a chance to walk down to the stage door by myself, and I take total advantage of it. Vanilla Bean Hot Chocolate in hand (sooooo good), I just relished in the fact that OMG I'M WALKING TOWARDS THE STAGE DOOR. WITH A PURPOSE.

I say hi to my lovely ladies who were having a smoke outside, and then walk through. Now, it seems I'm a bit of a fool, since I once again embarrassed myself by not being able to figure out the stage door. I enter the code. Nothing. I enter it again, nothing. Finally it opens! I'm like yesss. So I walk through and ask my friend how the heck you open it without making a fool of yourself... apparently you enter the code and then PUSH. I. am an idiot.

And I'm walking towards the rehearsal hall, when suddenly I hear, in this big booming voice, "MISS THIGH-SEN!". Now, I'm used to having my last name mispronounced, so I turn around to respond. IT'S VALERIAN RUMINSKI, ONE OF THE SOLOISTS. And so, caught totally offguard, I'm like, "...yes?" and he comes up with this big grin and is like "I had a look at your facebook profile and pictures... it's so weird being able to be in contact with people like this!" And I go on about how I'd done the same, and started talking about this one picture that established his hero-status in my eyes. And overall, I'm just like... ashjkhdjkss;. A Met Opera star is Facestalking me. GLEE.

So the rehearsal starts, and we do this really cool scene where Commendatore's statue appears and all the ladies don masks. It's reaaally creepy, and I LOVE IT. Not to mention Valerian actually gets a chance to sing, with that amazing voice of his.

The next scene we rehearse is another Commendatore scene, though just before he appears again. Henry was like "Okay, Torchiere girls!" and I'm like... argh. They get all the fun. And then Henry is like "And orchestra!" and I'm like... HOLY FLIP THAT'S ME.


It was a difficult scene because we're like, acting, trying to follow the cues, trying to follow the music, and trying to play without a bow... MIMING FTW. But after a few times I got comfortable with it and it's actually a really fun scene :D I EVEN KINDOF INTERACTED WITH LEPORELLO. MULTIPLE TIMES.

And dudes, Wendy Nielsen. She has presence in SPADES. Sharing a stage with her was a wonderful experience, short-lived though it is. Hahah and I got to make a face at her when Henry was like "Orchestra! You're not happy that she's there!" and I snarled jokingly and she laughed. When we were waiting in the wings, she just... like, I don't know. Just being around someone with that much presence is a wonderful feeling.

And then we ran through Act Two, which I was beginning to think didn't exist. Turns out, IT IS FULL OF AWESOME. It has a sextet that gives me chills, it has laughs (Leporello imitating Commendatore never fails to get me!), it has aria after aria after aria (Maria's = lovely, Mark's = wonderful, Wendy's = tear-jerking), it has one of the most romantic scenes ever (Matt and Michele need to just be a couple. Right now. Their chemistry is... wow), it has creepiness, and of course... it has the finale.

I'm actually having a hard time with this scene. Henry wants it to transition from seductive to destructive... and neither of those is in my character. She's sweet, she doesn't really want Don Giovanni to go to hell, but she knows she has to. I just feel like the rest of the characters are very uniform... all with arms flailing, teeth bared... very demonic. The thing is... I really can't see my character being like that.

But what lightened my spirits greatly was having Taras/Leporello under the table, hiding, and all of a sudden he makes this cross with his fingers as if to ward off evil lol I made eye contact with him and raised an appropriate eyebrow. Like... I'm a nun. What do you think you're doing? lol it brought me great joy.

Not to mention, when Donna Elvira sees Commendatore and screams, running away, Valerian had this hilarious expression of "Yeahh... I have that effect on people."

And then we had break, during which people dispensed candy galore. It was wonderful.

Then Henry delivered his notes for the Super cast, which I wholeheartedly agreed with. Falling out of character is a big pet peeve of mine.

And then Kelly announced that... after rehearsal on Friday (tonight), they're having a wine and cheese event! I'm like... omg. My first NAC party!!! I'm still fangirling about it, big time. Made myself all pretty-like. Did I mention that I'm excited?


- Gerry whispering in my ear. Interesting experience :/

- Aaron was HYPER. Good GOD. I do NOT want to see him drunk.

- Maria Knapik = still my hero from the Poland sector. We be BFFs, y'all.

- Mannn. I left my hot chocolate there. :( Half-drank, too.

- Sage and Christall's reactions to finding out that Aaron is married = priceless. I mean... it just doesn't seem to work. He doesn't wear his ring, and he makes THE raunchiest comments. Particularly TO people. And poor Christall is heartbroken </3. Alas. And that's all folks!

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Oct. 30th, 2007 | 11:57 pm
mood: amusedamused

So, I've decided that, since photography is a no-no during rehearsals, I would have to document my experience with the Don Giovanni opera elsewise.

And this is the wonderful solution I came up with. Oldschool, I know. The first few days will be in jot-note form, since I can't remember everything in detail anymore... expect more detail as things get more recent.


- I am sick and tired of killing time around campus, so I decide to try my luck regarding finding Dominion Chalmers church, the rehearsal hall. I am hella early. Like, we're talking fifty minutes early. Almost an hour. I. Am. A Keener. I bump into Ron Ward on the way in, one of two Production Managers whom I've been in contact with through email. He's a friendly little old man. He leads me inside, and introduces me to the production team. At this point, I'm like.. OMG CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? But only in my head. Physically, I smiled and did my best to give a firm handshake to Kelly, the Stage Manager, Henry, the Director, Gerry, the ASM (who looks a lot like Ioan Gruffud), and Marilyn, the costume head. Kelly later jokingly grumbled about how I was "early, early, early!" So to occupy my time, I read the indepth synopsis of the opera that they had provided.

- Rob comes in at about 6:30, and instantly, his character just sprung right out. He's flamboyant, he's outrageous, he's got an unnaturally high falsetto... and a WICKED sense of humor.

- People slowly start to filter in, and they're all twice as shy as I apparently am. Conversations go no further than "Hi, my name is _____" "Nice to meet you". I realize that even though we have name-tags, I'm going to forget everyone's names. Except Sage, because that is one awesome name.

- Henry introduces the team and the opera to the rest of us, and announces that that night, they would be "casting" us. We answer a series of questions by raising our hands, those questions being "Do you have theatre experience", "Do you know how to ride a horse", "Did you go to a Catholic School", "Do you have dance experience", etc etc. We did a warm-up involving prancing around the floor like we were ladies of high status. Afterwards, the team went from person to person asking which questions we raised our hands to. At my mention of going to Sacred Heart, they instantly pinned me as... a Nun. Well, there goes my frou-frou costume. Alas.

- We begin to rehearse the very first scene- the Overture. It's a unique, artsy scene where Don Giovanni applies his mask and then is approached by 24 different women individually; each interacting with him in a different way. Now, we didn't have our actual Don Giovanni with us, so the aforementioned Rob stepped in for him. He didn't know what he had coming to him. WE didn't know what we had coming to US.

Ahh, dear Catherine set the bar high. She literally jumps the guy, totally catching him by surprise. That night, she shoved her boobs in his face, all but kissed him, and accidentally sacked him. She won hero status in my eyes.

I had butterflies doing backflips in my stomach. What was I about to do?! With a man that was at LEAST twenty years my senior?! Thankfully, I am an actress, and thus born with the ability to set aside my own moral code for a moment. I followed through with my idea of "saucing up" a traditional cross (forehead, chest, shoulder-to-shoulder) and pressing my fingers to his lips in a more chaste indulgence, followed by taking my fingers and pressing them to my own.

As I walked offstage and onto where I was supposed to be, I realized that suddenly I tasted salty. Ohhh lord. What had I gotten myself into.

The next few runthroughs were even worse, as Rob got more and more into the scenes... and I mean INTO. We even had BUTT GRABBING. This time, when I did my little bit, he turned himself to me and parted his lips a little. My heart started racing. Any blushing or shy reaction was, at that point, entirely real. The only thought in my head? WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?

- I met Oxana that night, a woman over forty who really knows how to enjoy my snark, and snark right back. She is full of awesome.


- Skip out of Essay Writing class early with permission from my prof. Feel delightfully rebellious.

- I walk into the rehearsal hall, and see a new face. In fact, I see a oouple of new faces. And two of them are singing.

Enter the Soloists.

Matt Boehler, who plays Masetto, was the first that I saw. Michelle Bogdanowicz was the first that I heard. She's such a tiny, tiny little thing with a goooorgeous voice. Soon, we're rehearsing a new scene, and just as Don Giovanni is supposed to enter, Henry is reminded that we, the supers, have no idea who these people are. He introduces them... Don Giovanni/Aaron St. Clair Nicholson looks NOTHING like his headshot. And I. mean. NOTHING. Picture Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. That's him. He's even wearing a plaid shirt that's left unbuttoned enough to show his "oh-so-manly" chest hair. Ew. But he's got a snarky sense of humor, which I like. Leporello/Taras Kulish is the only one who actually looks like his picture.

- Decided that Matt/Masetto has a very believable angry!face. Also reminds me GREATLY of Raoul from Phantom of the Opera. And I feel suddenly n00bish when him and Michele/Zerlina kiss and all of the supers begin to giggle. Including me.

- As Gaston-esque as he is, Aaron/Don Giovanni has the voice of a flipping GOD.It was too easy to actually become entranced, especially when aforementioned entrancement is actually in the stage directions.


Did not exist. I had to work/put in my two weeks' notice, otherwise they would have written me up. I missed TWO rehearsals that day. And Valerian Ruminski/Commendatore's powerful voice.


...don't remember Day Four. Oh, maybe it was the night that we literally did NOTHING. I was falling asleep. But I found out that I wouldn't have to miss rehearsal the next day anyway, as thought (I had a midterm to write), because rehearsal had been cancelled. Henry knows me by name now.


Annnd we're still working on the Peasant Wedding scene... Stinky faces galore. Ohh, it takes talent.


Peasant wedding scene... possibly Overture as well... Aaron reveals his fifteen-minute long "oh-so-marvelous insight" into the portrayal of the Overture.

NO ONE: *cares*

He played the role completely dead. I want my Rob back.



Enter Valerian Ruminski/Commendatore, Wendy Nielsen/Donna Elvira and Maria Knapik/Donna Anna. Wendy is clearly snark!buddies with Aaron, which I want to get in on. I can't miss out on a snarkfest! Maria Knapik is stunning and outrageously European in a vivid green dress (complete with slit up the leg) and impossible boots that are umpteen miles high with heels that are negative miles thin. Some of the Super ladies decide to fangirl on Valerian, who - although DEFINITELY too old for me - seems like a really, really cool guy. Not to mention his VOICE.

I repeat that no one looks like their headshot.

Both are perfectly cast in their parts... Wendy having this gorgeous dark, commanding tone and Maria having a light, beautiful tone. Rob saves the day yet again by standing in for Don Ottavio. 

During break, me and Catherine literally RAN to the nearest Tim Horton's. It was the adventure of a lifetime, that involved looking like a fool, accidentally insulting a group of goths (hahaha Catherine), and finishing it all off with a delicious cup of hot chocolate. We returned to the rehearsal hall, JUST IN TIME.

I can't look away from those boots.

At the end of the night, poor Maria looked so shy and lost, and I had been spinning what I would say all night. I approach her with a smile that she matched, saying "By the way, I LOVE your boots". She proceeds to laugh and we have a full-blown conversation about how they're actually really comfortable because in Europe, shoes are made so much better than in Canada. Apparently everyone walks around in mile-high stilettos. We finish the conversation with a fangirly moment from me, telling her she did a good job that night, and SHE RETURNS THE FAVOR. My dear Polish Maria. I about had a heart attack. I had just had a full conversation with an OPERA STAR. And what a SWEETHEART to boot (pun intended).

I accidentally bump into Matt/Masetto on my way out, and whatever he said, mixed with previous studying, inspired that maybe he's a really, really nice guy that's worth getting to know.

During a meeting of the Super ladies with Henry near the end of the night, many voiced the common opinion that Aaron needed to shape up the overture so that it wasn't so... cold.


I am a rebel. I call in to work about two hours before my shift, saying I can't work. Actually, no. I got my DAD to call in for me. Hah.

I get to the rehearsal, and pretty much everyone is there. Maria has seemingly stocked up on green since many people complimented her the first night that she wore that green dress. She is again in mile-high shoes. I don't know how she does it.

When I'm signing in, I catch Aaron walking in through the corner of my eye. Up to this point, I had him pegged as a near-narcissist and something of a jerk. But something about seeing him with a cup of coffee, wearing his glasses, and a chaste black long-sleeved shirt made him a little bit more approachable. I utter a "Good afternoon!", which he responds to. Still not exactly sweetheart status.

Rehearsal goes well, one of few where we actually did stuff. I take a crash course in what I missed that last sunday... and by crash, I mean, we were performing it, and in that second, I imitated what I was supposed to do. Henry never caught on. 

Rehearsing the overture was a unque experience this time through. We ran it dry, and each girl explained why she was doing what she was doing. This provided many an opportunity to throw in a jab at Aaron such as "No, I'm cleaning YOU, you dirty b*st*rd". It felt good, I"m not going to lie. Hold the man in every respect, but sometimes a little humility is due ;)

At the end of the rehearsal, all that were left were the supers, men's chorus, and Aaron/Don Giovanni. Me and Steff C. go to walk to the bus stop, and waiting outside is Mr. Gaston himself. In a snark-filled way that he couldn't possibly have picked up on, I uttered a "Have a good day, Aaron". He responded with "Ciao, ladies. Have a good one." At the end of the parking lot, I burst into a few notes from the show. I could have sworn he heard me. It was at that point that my "I'm going to get discovered no matter what it takes" attitude set in.



O. MG. NA flipping C.

It was... SO weird walking through that stage door and not having to wait in the foyer for the cast of the most recent musical to come out and sign stuff for me.

The rehearsal hall is awesome. So much bigger than the dining hall at Dominion Chalmers, and so much more professional. The excitement slowly starts to kick in. Mind you, the cocoa beans I was given before rehearsal started probably didn't help. I was HYPER and NO ONE was going to stop me. Sitting still was a challenge as I could feel my brain buzzing.

And then we went for break. Ron offered to take us n00bs on a tour of the backstage... and of course I jumped at the chance. The green room, ladies and gents, is a flipping RESTAURANT. But that wasn't what caught my attention.

Ron proceeded to lead us right onto the stage.

Before you enter the stage, there's a large room behind the curtains that is just PLASTERED with posters from previous shows. And among those posters? A GINORMOUS wooden Phantom Mask!

But then we got on the stage, and it was all I could do not to cry. This is where I belong. The lights from the house glimmering in my eyes, the amount of seats settling into my brain... I could have DARED someone to try and wipe that grin off my face. I stood there in absolute reverie for a moment, before I suddenly got the genius idea to sing something. Shy as I am, I only sang the first two lines of Think of Me from Phantom. One of the Supers started to pay attention to me, and was like "Wow, someone's been studying" and I'm like "...Would you believe me if I told you I've never had a lesson?". Ron kept giving me this real fatherly look, like he knew the kind of joy I was experiencing. It took everything I had to peel myself off of that stage.

We got back, and JUST as I was about to sink my teeth into my sandwich, we got back into it. On our way back, though, we passed Mark/Don Ottavio, who was laughing at my obvious fangirlishness. As well, the soloists started singing Happy Birthday, so we all joined in... Wendy Nielsen started doing this lovely Soprano bit overtop, and I decided on the genius idea of joining her :D I predicted her notes perfectly, followed, and matched both her pitch and tone. By god, I may get discovered yet.

We started rehearsing the "pushing DG into hell" scene... and thank god, I actually managed to do something that catches his attention! I cross him as I walk by him, and he stares so desperately, and I'm like... muahahahaha. I then proceed to pull an "Exorcism of Emily Rose". I'm just like... "THE POWER OF GOD COMPELLS YOU!" except... in body language.

After rehearsal, the cake that one of the Supers had brought was served. It was my appointed job to announce said cake. As I called out, Aaron turned around, and was like "I want cake". And I did this sassy little thing to show off my piece, and that was the end of the communication.

I have decided that I may or may not have befriended dear Maria Knapik. As I was getting ready to leave, she kept smiling at me, and I waved, which was met with a bigger smile :)

Us Super ladies chilled in the stage door foyer for a bit, and I had to get a little gleefest out of my system. Thankfully someone else joined me. It was just... so weird. I even asked to use the security guard's garbage bin. He seemed to recognize me from my fangirly night after POTO. It just... walking OUT of that stage door... it's a wonderful, wonderful feeling.


That wonderful feeling? Only gets better. I made a slight fool of myself when I was trying to figure out the stage door code thing and someone else who was rehearsing for something else helped me out. But entering that code, walking through that door...

We rehearsed with a different cast tonight, the "silver cast". They seem to be students, rather than professionals. But they are still excellent... in fact, I much, MUCH prefer that overture to the one with Aaron. Rob is directing it, and he sees it not as a memory but as a dying day... wanting to take advantage of every good memory he can. It's so much sweeter and more dynamic this way. That would explain Rob's performance on the first night. But I do, I really like how this DG responds to things.


And that's all for now, folks! I'll keep you in touch more often, so I don't have massive posts like this all the time. Like, maybe a day at a time, perhaps? Hmm?

Love you all :)


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(no subject)

Sep. 4th, 2007 | 07:58 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: Will I? - RENT

 I have to get this out of my system. For those who know, yes, this is going to be another "Number One rant".

So, I kindof blame Sandra for this, because it was while talking to her that I began to reminisce about certain "UST" moments between me and him. But for the past two nights in a row, I've had vivid dreams, both involving him. I barely remember the first dream, something to do with a scavenger hunt or something. In any sense, we were really good friends there.

But last night (or this morning, rather), I dreamed that I had gone to this restaurant thing that was part of some camp I'd gone to. It was a chinese restaurant, and so had chinese waiters and all that jazz. I entered, and there was a long table. Seated at that nearly empty table was Number One himself. Well, I resorted to a familiar frame of mind in which I'm desperately trying to decide where would be appropriate to sit. I ultimately decide on a seat that's across from and a couple rows down from Number One. Basically, I'm avoiding him. My friend Emma sits next to me, and all of a sudden "Only Hope" by Mandy Moore (or Switchfoot, you know, whatever) starts playing, and Emma's like "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!!!" (in her usual happy-go-lucky, excitable voice). I see Number One strangely move to another spot by himself near the end of the table, away from me and Emma. And I'm like... huh?

But then he moves to sit directly across from me, and we both start singing along to the song, and laughing, and he has THE biggest smile on his face. And he even had that infamous SPARKLE in his eye. Like, literal SPARKLE. I have NEVER seen that boy so happy... well, close, but not quite. It was mid-laugh/smile that my alarm clock went off, allowing that image to haunt me for the rest of the day.

For those who are huge into dream interpretation, there was a definite theme of green and red... emerald green and regular ol' brick red. The walls, the table cloth, etc.

Now, cutting back to reality, we as a couple make NO SENSE. I mean, sure, that sunday where we hung out at his place as a pseudo-goodbye-party for Becca was nice; and dare I say, we were FRIENDLY, but just... in terms of body language, we have the most electric chemistry since flipping Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swann. But in terms of actual conversation? It's short, to the point, and often on a limited selection of topics. Music, writing, and acting being... just about it. I mean, FLIP. I can't get the boy out of my head, but it's all hallucinations, it's all dreams... but at the same time, it's been five years....


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Phantom of the Opera : Take Two!!

Aug. 28th, 2007 | 05:05 pm
mood: jubilantjubilant

So, since I keep reflecting on that night and it's all a garbled mess that I'm sure doesn't translate well into my conversations, this is something like how the night that I met the Phantom Cast (second time!) went:

We crept up to the security foyer, which is where the stage door is, and waited anxiously for a) the show to finish (that was a WEIRD atmosphere, having the show be playing while we're so close to the backstage!) and b) the members of the cast to come out. The security guard was a real gentleman, offering us drinks of water and holding our purses and such in the office. A few security guards came out as soon as the show was finished, which was tense because I had to turn on my inner "face recognition tool"; however, most of them went into the security office or the elevator around the corner, making it easier for me to pick and choose. I finally chose the corner between the exit and the security office, which faced the backstage hallway (I could see costumes and a rehearsal hall!) as my "hunting position".

About fifteen minutes later, a group of people came walking down the hallway, one of them humming a tune as he walked... let me tell you, it may have only been five seconds, but it was enough for me to absolutely fall in love with it. The guy looked like he might be a cast member, not to mention SOUNDED like one... and he smiled at me as he approached, so I figured, eh, why not. I was like "Hi!" and he came over with a big smile while I asked for his signature in my edition of Leroux's Phantom. My mom said something along the lines of "Wonderful show" and he was like "Aww, thank you!" (at which point, to my horror, I realized he sounded like Cody, AND looked a little like him). He smiled at me once more and began to head for the door when I was like "Oh, wait! Can I get a hug?" to which he was like "Of course!!" and gave me one of THE best hugs I have EVER received. Like, holy flip. If I could hunt him down and ask for another, without getting a restraining order thrown in my face, I would.

I would realize later as I read his signature that I had no idea who "Sal Sabella" was. Turns out he's a swing, and an understudy for the role of Phantom!

Soon after he left, Polly Baird (Meg Giry) came out with a chorus member. She was every bit true to her character... sweet, gentle, and flipping TINY. My mom asked if she could get a picture, to which she was like "Sure" and we posed, and presto! Did I mention I feel obscenely obese next to her?

There was a bit of a pause, during which I apparently assumed a pose too cute not to capture. My mom has dubbed it my "fangirl" pose.

Then John Whitney (Piangi) came out, and I tell you, he's not easy to miss :D He has such a distinctive face. I had to laugh, however, at the book he had tucked under his arm... Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows!

EMILY: I love that book! *has never read it*
JOHN: Me too, I'm almost finished!

He finished signing, and I thanked him, and we both wished eachother a good night.

Stephen came out a little later, looking every bit the dork I imagined him to be. He kindof gave me a shy smile and I waved him over.

EMILY: Stephen, right?
STEPHEN: Yeah, how did you recognize me?
EMILY: I actually saw the show last night, gave me a chance to do some research haha

He signed my novel, handed it back to me, and then...

STEPHEN: You haven't seen Meg Giry, have you?
EMILY: Yeah, actually?
STEPHEN: Crap. Have a good night! *disappears down the hallway*
EMILY: You too...?

My mom asked me later how the heck I recognized him, and I told her that his goofy grin was the tell-tale.

Literally seconds after Stephen, like, right when he was finishing up signing, Kim Stengel (Carlotta) walks down the hallway and I just light right up. I didn't recognize her last time, but ohhh I made sure of it this time! I let out a huge smile and she came right over to sign my book. I asked her for a hug and she was like "Sure!" and Rebecca Judd (Mme. Giry) was right behind her, and let out a "Aww, what a sweetheart!" to which I responded with a hearty laugh and a sticking out of the tongue. My mom then asked us to pose for a picture, and for some reason, we both just threw our arms around eachother... but this was a little bit awkward as my mom's camera, she realized, had to be turned off and on again. For fear of appearing rabid, I loosened my grip a touch as time went by, and then finally the time came for a picture to be taken. The end result is probably the most fangirl-like pose you have EVER seen from me. 

Thank god Rebecca Judd hung around while all this was taking place, because earlier, DC Anderson (Andre) had slipped by while I was getting Stephen's signature, and John _____ (Firmin)'s face decided to be unrecognizable. He walked past me and I was like "....sh*t." Eh, he looked to be in a foul mood anyways.

Rebecca and I talked for a bit about how it was the fact that she was still wearing her makeup that helped me recognize her. And I mean, come on, it's some pretty drastic makeup. Blackened eyebrows, sweeps of brown over her eyes, bright red lips, pale white skin... yeah, I'd be BLIND not to recognize her. At one point, I'm not sure why, I slipped in that it actually wasn't her makeup that caused me to recognize her... and she was like "Oh, it must be my hat then! I always wear this hat!"

And thennn not long after, Greg Mills (Raoul) came out. This is the one I put the most work into, for research on how to recognize him. He was sweaty, he was wearing a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. He was wonderful. With those eyes, there was no way I WASN'T going to recognize him. He seemed to understand that I was one of those pesky stage door fanatics, because he smiled and came right over. I asked for his signature, to which he complied, and while he was signing, I may or may not have sputtered on about how that little 30 second blip in Think Of Me was all it took to make me melt in my seat. He laughed. My mom perks up and tells him that I'm going to Ottawa U for Theatre, and he's all "Oh, cool!" and I told him it was exciting... my mom then asks if we could get a picture, to which he also complies, and immediately after, I ask for a hug. Thank GOD, the man is TALL!!! I literally had to go on my tip-toes to reach his height! Ladies and Gents, that is significant, because I'm FIVE. EIGHT. I don't go on my tiptoes for anyone! And then my mom was all "Awww, I missed it!" while staring at her camera. Having been only half-ways out of the embrace anyways, we immediately swung back into it, this time with our faces towards the camera. The result is the most hilarious picture I've ever seen. When my mom uploaded the pictures that night, Mike was nearby, and after a few comments on how bold I was, mentioned that "Even MARRIED people don't hug like that!". I mentioned that it was nice to meet him, and we both wished eachother a good night as finally he left. 

There was a sufficient amount of time afterwards for me to gush to my mom about him, and then I see the rehearsal hall door open, and a bike followed by a familiar face exits through it. I smile, and wave her over, and the conversation goes something like this:

WOMAN: I am... *waiting smile*
EMILY: *guessy face*
WOMAN: *waiting smile*
EMILY'S MIND: *dangit, I had this problem last time, too! Marni or Sarah, Marni or Sarah...*
MOMENT: *suspenseful*
EMILY: ...Sarah?
WOMAN: Yes!!
EMILY'S MIND: *Phew. But there goes my face recognition status.*

And she was an absolute, absolute sweetheart. The best of the night.

EMILY: I've seen you before, actually; in Toronto...
SARAH: Actually, I remember you!
SARAH: Yeah, you were on the sidewalk, I remember talking to you!

And there, ladies and gentlemen, life goal #625 was completed. "To have a celebrity remember me." She went on to talk about how she had just come from a rehearsal for this thing she was doing, which explained why she was all sweaty. She asked me if I had met Greg, to which I was like "duh!" and she told me he was playing the Phantom tonight... which I met with a moment of complete and utter "OMG"ness. I took a moment to just imagine how that lovely voice would fare in that role. I told her I'd actually seen the show the night before, with him as Raoul. Sarah then explained how they have like three understudies for the Phantom. She mentioned the name of the guy who played him that night but I can't remember. Michael, maybe? I don't know. And she mentioned David Gaschen, saying that he had one of the best voices she'd heard. Then she was like "Have you seen Sean in the role?" and I was like "No?" and she was like "Oh, he is dreeeaaammyyy!" (in a total singsong voice, like, I felt like for a second I was being serenaded by Miss Daae herself). I shall have to keep that in mind if I ever see the show again. 

At one point we were talking about John Cudia, whom I had seen last time as the Phantom. She mentioned that he was on vacation with his wife, Kathy Voytko, to which I responded with a familiar nod, and she was like "Oh, you know Kathy too?" and I was like *coughI'vereadabouthercough* "Yeah!". It's very cute that he is getting a chance to spend time with his wife though. And then suddenly I get the genius idea to grab the letter I'd written for John (assuming he'd be in the show I'd see) from my purse in the security office. Long and short of it, Sarah now carries the letter. She explained that she would see him in Syracuse, but she could try to mail it to him before then. I had a minor fangirl slip-up when she asked if it was urgent; my sarcasm got me in trouble. I was like "No, no, not like I'm expecting a response by tomorrow!" and I was like.... crap. I just implied that I am. So she has it now, and I am contemplating writing Miss Lawrence herself because she's been such a sweetheart to me.

It's at that point that my mom mentions that I'm going to the University of Ottawa for Theatre, and she's all "Oh, you are so lucky!" because apparently, in her home state of Minnesota, theatre isn't exactly one of the high points. It gave me so much hope because Ottawa isn't exactly theatre-central either. But the way she reacted made me think for a second that attending a theatre education in the Nation's Capital might just be prestigious and worth something after all.

She quickly eyed my camera-happy mom and was the most adorable thing ever... she was like "Nooo! I'm ugly!" and then she went on to beg me not to post them online, because she was afraid of nasty comments! And I'm just in total disbelief because the woman is BEAUTIFUL. Hat, track pants, sweat and all! We convinced her to get a picture with me (and the bike hahah my mom said it would be "cool"), and I sincerely noted that it was nice to meet her, at which point she ASKED FOR MY NAME. LIKE SHE WANTED TO REMEMBER ME. I was like... buh. Not like my first name will do a whole lot if ever she felt compelled to stalk me, but STILL.

We pressed the handicap button to open the door for her and her bike, wished her good night, and that was it.

We hung around for a bit, just to see if Marni was still around (because if Sarah wasn't in the performance, Marni had to be), but alas, she was not. Oh well, I'm fine with having met Sarah. Sarah, if you're reading this, expect a letter of your own, soon.

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Almost Lovers.

Jul. 16th, 2007 | 10:39 pm
music: Almost Lovers - A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick.

I never wanna see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me...

Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do.

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me

And when you left you kissed my lips
You said you'd never ever forget
These images.

I never wanna see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me...

Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known
you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do.

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you by my side...

Do I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of
My life?

my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do...

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(no subject)

Jun. 3rd, 2007 | 10:41 pm
mood: discontentdiscontent

So, I need to write this down, for two purposes. One, because this is the sort of thing that you want chronicled in your life. Two, because poor Sandra's ears must be hurting from all my rambling. Thus. Here we go.


The day started off on an interesting note. My mom decided to wake me up about fifteen minutes before my alarm was set to go off, so that I could come with her to drop Shawn off at work and perhaps run a few prom-related chores. So, I scrambled to get ready, and completely abandoned the idea of makeup for the sake of applying it better later on. Turns out that would be a mistake, but I'll talk about that later.

We drop Shawn off after the usual tiff between him and mom, and the girly part of the day begins. Soon, after a stop at the Superstore to pick up some coffee, a forgotten wallet, and an employee with too good of a memory, it's off to Bayshore Mall we go to find bejewelled hair combs. At first, we make a mandatory stop in the Disney store that lasts a good half hour... both mom and I ogled over Jack Sparrow pillows and shirts for hours, not to mention the action figures and costumes. It was a grand old time. But then we remember our real purpose for being there, and get back on course. We stop in Accessorize. Too expensive, too weird, too little. We stop in Dynamite. No hair stuff. We stop in Claire's... bingo! Spotted the perfect combs, and grabbed them, but not after my mom had a brief moment of insanity where she considered buying her wedding jewellery there. Thankfully she snapped out of it. I noticed Steph Lui and Julie were there, making last minute purchases as well. I ended up also buying three little elasticized rhinestone rings for six bucks... hey, it sounded like a good deal at the time.

So we leave the mall and head for Dollarama (they accept interac now, donchaknow). In search of what? I can't precisely remember. But we ended up getting water along with it.

Lunch time. We were going to go to the Subway at the mall, but realized they're silly and don't carry Atkin-ized wraps anymore. I suggest Tim Horton's, my mom suggests Wendy's. We could, conceivably, do both; but in fact, we end up doing neither. On the spur of the moment, my mom decides to take me to East Side Mario's, where we are the first customers of the day. She had a delicious-looking chicken and salad, while I had a delicious-tasting mariboli wrap and salad. No need for the "bloatation effect", eh?

She decides to call Ingrid, because god forbid the future came up, and suddenly my mom's job wasn't looking so sturdy. They talk for a while, I smile awkwardly at the waitresses, and then she calls Mike. Same deal. Kinda put a damper on my day.

But then we get home, and that's when the real girly stuff starts happening. I go on my computer to wait while mom sets up the "spa", and try to find either Logan or Cody. Temporarily, I find Cody, and tell him that his boutonniere is actually white. I don't find Logan, and temporarily freak out because I'm not sure of the importance of having our tickets to get into prom. Cody assures me that he actually has them, which he does, and I breathe. Time for a manicure.

My mom does the whole deal in a rather grandiose way... I entered the room and Josh Groban was playing over her laptop... my water was poured into a more formal glass... and my chair awaited me. It was much like Christmas, only not. From then on, I proceeded to browse through fashion magazines while having my feet soaked, massaged, and pedicured... and then my hands manicured. It takes longer than expected, and my mom starts freaking out. It's 2pm, and we haven't started my hair.

I quickly dash to get a blouse on, check my messages, and the hair process begins. It takes forEVER. And I mean foreeeeeveeeeer. By forever, I mean, it was 4:45 (the time Cody was supposed to show up) and we still had about ten ringlets to curl. I was doing my makeup while my mom did my hair, which sounds simple, but believe me, it really isn't. When your head is being tugged every which way, and you're far away from the mirror, it's really difficult to be accurate. Alas.

So we finally get the head area finished, and I get into my dress. Photo time! We go onto the main floor and take a good dozen pictures before I realize that I should probably call Natasha to tell her I'm going to be late. I give her a ballpark of about twenty minutes. Little did she or I know, I was lying. Cody didn't show up for another twenty minutes, due to the fact that he had no idea where I lived lol 

The doorbell finally rang, and I quickly ducked behind the corner of the wall as my mom answered the door. According to a later account, she thought he'd be another "oh, I'm so good looking and all the ladies love me, and I know it" type. *coughHALLERcough*. But then he must have said or done something that totally destroyed that image. I popped out from the wall corner, and we said hi and all that jazz. There was a little time where he showed me the corsage he'd bought (which was gorgeous, and absolutely perfect... lilies are my favourite flower, and the ribbon was black to match my dress), but then we immediately rushed into photoshoot mode lol  started with taking pictures of the whole corsage-and-boutonniere ritual... further proof that guys have it easier than girls. Whoo, an elasticized band that MIGHT go around her wrist... how ever does that work? *SARCASM*. Boutonnieres? Whoever invented them, hated women and wanted them to DIE. I tried so hard to get that thing pinned through his lapel, and then it just ended up flopping upside down lol we had a good laugh, and then my mom stepped in to fulfill the tradition of the mother being the one to fix the boutonniere.

Then we posed for the "couple" shots. This was weird. At that point, I was previously informed that Rena had announced her feelings to him, and that he had announced his to her. Monica and Chandler, she'd described their relationship. I purposely posed to make it seem like we were just friends, but my mom kept insisting for me to lean my head in. Cody kept pulling me, by my waist, closer to him. He's a gentleman, and a total sweetheart... I couldn't help but relax and just fall into it. We got to a point where we were heading out the door, and every five seconds (no joke) my mom would ask us to pause and she would take a picture. At one point, he took my hand and led me down the steps to the door.

The worst part is, he never laughed at us. He always laughed with us. His mom is apparently the same way.

We finally get ourselves into the SUV, and we're going down the road, and my mom decides to start "extreme photography", which means that she is actually taking pictures of us as she's driving. Terrifying stuff! Cody of course totally goes along with it and actually figures out a way to perfect it. Along the way, he proved his mesh-well-ness with our family, when we spotted geese across the road and were like "birdy birdies!" and he was like "ducky ducks!"

Then we finally got to the area where we were supposed to be dropped off... and we take pictures in front of the house that we initially thought was the one we were supposed to be at... little do we know, it's not 10 Steggal, it's 70. So, we rush back into the car, faces beet red, and head on our way to the Williams'. A hesitant speculation by my mom confirmed that it was indeed the right place, and we take just a couple more pictures before we head to the backyard. Ellen looks gorgeous in her purple dress, and Natasha is a downright knockout. James, Anna, and Stefan come around, and it's all just wonderful. We posed for a few pictures in the backyard, and James is all like "hello, Emily!" when we had our arms around eachother's waists. I was like "haha...what?". Cody continued to put his hand around my waist.

Everyone headed towards the limo, and I let myself fall behind to walk with Cody. Suddenly I realize my mom is, once again, taking pictures of this occasion lol at this point, I'm like "okay stalkerazzi, you can go home now!". We do something almost identical to the backyard poses (with commentary from James and all), and then it's finally time to get into the limo. Flip, who'd have known those things were so clumsy to get into? But overall, those things are darn cool. We had our own bar and everything in there, only, without refreshments. Cody takes a seat next to me, Ellen takes a seat next to him, and Natasha, Stefan, Anna, and James make themselves at home on my other side. Stalkerazzi/mom pops up one last time, out of nowhere, and takes pictures of us inside. The door is shut, and we're on our way.

A ruined french manicure, a disappeared seatbelt, and 200 km/h later, we were on our way to Sala San Marco.

It was weird to see the other couples in the limo. James and Anna were completely at home with one another, Tash and Stefan seemed comfortably couple-like, and here you had me and Cody and Ellen... the "just friends who aren't really sure if they are just friends" couple, and the "girl who had a date up until about a week ago because he is a jerk". It was like a progression of relationship.

**** This is the part you can read if you don't feel like reading ALL the gory details. This is the fun part. ****

Then we got to the place. We weren't really sure at first, cause it seemed like a sketchy neighbourhood, and a small building, but it was the place nonetheless lol we all got out and were met with a slew of teachers who were just chilling outside. Ironically, that somewhat makes the evening circular. But you'll see why later. Me and Cody stood together for a slight awkward minute, and then went inside. The place is gorgeous. Main foyer has a sky painted on the ceiling, with a beautiful chandelier hanging from it. We search for our names on the list, take a moment to celebrate that we're table number one, and then enter the room. It. Is. Madness. Fifty four tables, all about a foot apart... and it doesn't go in numerical order, either. We spend about ten minutes searching desperately for our table, and finally we're pointed in the right direction by Shona. We get there, and there's no chairs for us! This would lead to much utensil confusion later that night, as well as food lol the chairs finally got there, and we sat down.

Almost as if on cue, the picture taking started. Logan took pics of each side of the table. I leaned back into Cody. He wrapped his arm around me.

We had a minor adventure trying to decide if this one bowl was salad dressing or bread dip. We later discovered that it was, in fact, salad dressing.

Nick, who was beside me, and who was Logan's date (as is natural when you've dated the person for like ever) kept snarking with me. And I'm like "dude, I barely know you. I save my snark for people such as my date to my right". It felt awkward, I'm not going to lie, cause it felt like he was talking more to me than to Lowg. Eventually it faded out, and I had a "phew" moment. I turned my attention fully to Cody.

The schedule for the meal part of the night seemed to be this: have the course delivered to you, eat it, talk amongst yourselves, and then, while you wait for the next course (it took like half an hour between each!), you get up and socialize with as many people as possible.

I introduced Cody to Lisa, and she asked if we were just friends or more... at first, neither of us answered. I stumbled over my words, we looked at eachother, and I finally said "It's complicated", with a joking arm around his shoulder. God knows why I said that. He agreed with me, and Lisa laughed.

I introduced him to Sam, and henceforth he decided he wouldn't be able to stand her.

I introduced him to Kaitlin, and he sympathized for my  poor ear. The girl was about to talk it right off.

I introduced him to my circle, and he was a perfect gentleman. Everyone wanted pictures with me, so he kindly took my camera and took the pictures for me. Perfect, perfect gentleman. And Anarosa has never looked so lovely.

... When we travelled through the tables, I either put my hand on his arm, or he did the same. 

He told me that he couldn't dance, so I decided to try and teach him the simplest of all dancing moves; the robot... and strove to document this occasion with my camera lol the picture of me doing it that he took, I look like a zombie. The picture I took of him looks like the predecessor to domestic abuse lol

The slideshow came on, and we just stood against the wall so that we could see (we couldn't see from our table). I had to be close to him because he couldn't hear me over the music otherwise. We laughed at the two pictures of me that appeared out of nowhere, that I most definitely did not submit. You could tell who was popular by the amount of applause each person got :D

Then there was the dessert. By this point, he'd gotten into a habit of pulling out my chair for me. The dessert itself was disgusting, and I only ate about half of it.

And then the dance started.

As is protocol with such things, it started with fast songs. Cody reminded me that he doesn't dance, and we went outside for a breath of fresh air. Little did we know, it was raining, and hotter outside than in. We came back inside and had new appreciation for the air conditioning.

It was at this point that Cody decided to be even more gratuitous and told me and Shauna to go out on the dance floor. We did, briefly, and he took a picture of us (ahahah that picture), but the song ended quickly, and it turned into a slow song. I came back to him, and was like "It's a slow song" and he's like "THIS I can dance to".

We walked towards the dance floor, and he took me by the hand. It was gentle.

He took that hand, and we settled into a typical dance position. Hands held, my arm around his shoulder, his around my waist... and somehow it progressed into something a lot closer, a lot more intimate. I think... we were dancing, and talking at the same time, just small talk, and he was like "I'm not used to dancing with girls your height" and I reminded myself of my first dance with Nathan, and how his shoulder was the perfect height for me, so I did something of a shoulder-check on him. I rested my head there, and he was like "what?" and I pulled back and said "you're a perfect height". And he smiled and it was there that the waltz pose turned into a true slow-dance.

He put both arms around my waist, and I wrapped both arms around his neck. At first it was just simple. Occasionally, we would part a little bit and be inches away from eachothers' faces just to say something... haha, at one point, he was like "everyone's like, making out" (which they were), and that totally caught me offguard. I didn't know what to say, without sounding like I was asking for it... so i said "well... it's a very makey-outy song?" (any one who's familiar with homestar runner and teen girl squad will get why that's funny). He laughed, and we settled back into position. The song ended, and we parted. Not for long, though... as we soon realized that the next song was Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up"... not exactly a fast song.

We laughed, and settled back into position. Again, it started with the waltz pose, and melted into the closeness of the other. We would talk, but this time it was right into eachother's ears. Heads side by side, we could communicate perfectly without having to pull apart. Apparently everyone was staring at us :D

But suddenly, I felt the scruff of his chin settle into my shoulder. We went silent, right at the chorus of the song, and he settled himself into my shoulder. His hands adjusted themselves on my waist. It was somewhere around then that I let myself fall. And I fell hard. I sunk my chin into his shoulder, and adjusted my hands to be closer around his neck. We just... stayed silent, and fell into eachother.

And then the song ended, and our parting was a little slower than the first time. We went into the foyer, and chilled for a good half hour, just looking at the pictures i'd taken and talking about life, the world, and everything.

At one point, he brought up the whole Rena situation. I can't remember why, I just remember that he did. He said "Rena likes me, eh?" and we talked about how she'd come into his room that one night and announced her feelings to him. He then said "I told her I liked her when I was like, eight, when I first met her"... which caught me by surprise, as that is NOT the response that she told me. She said something along the lines of "he told me he'd liked me since he was like, eight". He, on the other hand, made it very clear that he harbored no feelings for her anymore.

We went back into the dance hall, and I revealed that Kyle Bentley is harboring something remotely like feelings towards me. Feelings that I really don't want. I was on the dance floor dancing to a fast song with some friends, and Cody was trying to take pictures from his seat off the dance floor... and then I broke from the group for literally a SECOND, and Kyle was behind me, saying something like "funny how you can make someone laugh just by staring at them". It was like a flipping moth to a flame! So I kindof laughed awkwardly and then made my way over to Cody, wrapped my arms around him from behind, and was like "Save me!" and he agreed to... he had a jolly good laugh at the whole Kyle situation.

And just as though it were on cue, a slow song started playing. I believe it was "Hey There Delilah" or something... I lean into Cody and am like "you wanna go?" and he gets up and we go onto the dance floor, settling right into position again. Again, we didn't separate at all, we merely talked into eachother's ears... Cody was having so much fun lmao he was like "He's totally staring at us right now... oh, oh, he's approaching us." I was so tempted so many times to say something like "you wanna really make him jealous?"... but instead, I just laughed and settled my head further into his shoulder. He did the same. Hands about the waist... me hugging him tightly to me... this time, I let myself relax so much that I just shut my eyes and almost fell asleep... I was so comfortable, so at peace in that moment.

The song ended, and again, we parted very slowly. Kyle was off to the side, having clearly been watching me and Cody. Most other people had left already for the after parties, so me and Cody headed to the foyer. I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk, and he was like "sure".

We get outside, and realize very quickly that it's raining. Ducking back under the shelter, Cody says to me "perfect timing for a walk!" laughingly. I hesitated for a second, contemplating the effects of water on my dress... and said "To hell with it" and just dove right into the rain. He came with me. We walked along the sidewalk, just talking... then we ducked under the corner of a building, and there we discussed our equal fears of thunder :D lightning struck, and I instinctively clutched a pole near me, and he was like "I'm the same way!"

After deciding that where we were was pretty sketchy (there was a total ghetto down the alley), we continued to walk... at one point we hid under the roof of a store, and that did very little lol so we moved on again, and this time we stayed. We sat on the front steps of this African convenience store that happened to be closed, and also happened to have a lot of shelter. We watched the lightning flicker, and gasped at how cool some of them were. From then on, we actually discussed life, the universe, and everything. We discussed how our moms are so similar that it's frightening... we discussed how he can't stand his girlfriend, but how he can't break up with her because he doesn't have the heart to... we even bloody discussed cosmetics lmao which actually led to something interesting... I was like "your eyes are a warm color, so you'd look good in like, cool colors" and then I asked what color mine were, and he looked at them and was like "holy crap, your pupils are huge! they're so dilated!" and I had to take a picture to see for myself lmao

It was after that, and taking a few artsy pictures of him, a puddle, and a UFO, that we started walking back  through the rain to see if my ride was there yet. I called, and my mom told me that Mike had JUST left. Leaving us to chill with the rebellious teachers who were still there, one of them smoking... me and Cody just slipped past them so I could get my purse from the staff of the Sala San Marco, and then we sat on the bench just outside of the building. At one point, I sighed and was like "I'm tired" and he was like "You look it" and I leaned into him and rested my head on him, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

Soon enough, and after a few awkward conversations with the teachers, Mike came to pick us up. The entire way back, Cody proved that he belongs in this family yet again. He and Mike got along famously. But we eventually got back to Cody's place.

Just as he was leaving, he gave me a huge hug... something that I almost felt embarrassed about doing in the presence of Mike, because it was so intimate. We eventually parted, and he left.

And that was the end of it...


But now, nothing will happen. We will just be friends. So long as there is the possibility of him and Rena getting together, I am backing off... it hurts like hell, but it's the right thing.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing
Are the same.

The Fray - "All At Once"


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